The Truth About Moving Abroad: Expectations vs Reality

You have a dream about moving abroad: leaving it all behind and starting fresh.

It’s a great dream. And yes, you can probably make it a reality.

But should you?

Here’s the truth about moving abroad, from an American expat who has done it twice – with kids.

This is my unfiltered take on why you should or shouldn’t move abroad: the biggest challenges, common reasons and misconceptions, whether you should uproot your kids or not, and – after all is said and done – the real challenges of returning home after living abroad.

the truth about moving abroad: expectations vs reality. globe graphic with illustrated range of emotions on colorful background

Reasons for Moving Abroad: What’s the Allure?

Your reasons for moving abroad can range from emotional to practical. Let’s look at the most common reasons for moving abroad and do some myth-busting.

Reasons for Moving Abroad: Practical

Career Opportunities
Education
Seeking a Change of Scenery
Family Reasons (getting married or joining family members abroad)
Moving for Love or a new relationship

Reasons for Moving Abroad: Emotional & Psychological

Personal Growth and Resilience: you think it will make you stronger.
You want your whole life to change or you’re sick of where you’re currently at.
You romanticize living abroad, either the people or the place.
You think your whole life will get better if you just move abroad.

Myth-Busting the Reasons for Moving Abroad

Some of these reasons are valid, and some, not so much. The realities of living in a foreign country won’t always match your expectations.

Expectations ❌

Your life will automatically be better when you move abroad. Anything you’re struggling with at home won’t follow you abroad; you’ll automatically be happy.

Reality ✅

You know the old saying, “no matter where you go, there you are?” It’s true. You can move your location and your belongings, but those things inside you – doubt, fear, insecurities – those will all remain the same, no matter your reasons for moving abroad.

Practical Advice: Really Analyze your Reasons for Moving Abroad

practical tips: analyze your reasons for moving abroad. Bullet point list with colorful graphics

If you’re moving for practical reasons, don’t disregard the emotional ones. And if you’re moving for emotional reasons, don’t disregard the practical ones.
Moving abroad is a HUGE change. Yes, everything in your life will change. Don’t expect it will all be GOOD change. It might be worse, and that’s the reality.
Who you are – what you struggle with and your biggest challenges – will stay the same. Unless you can work out the emotional reasons, and realize that those expectations might not materialize, then don’t start the process of moving abroad yet.
Make a pro/con list of everything you can think of. Get it all out and weigh your options.

The Unfiltered Truth About Moving Abroad

Thinking about moving abroad is the easy part. Moving is a bit harder. But once you get there, this is your new life, and you’re stuck with it whether you like it or not (unless you have unlimited resources to go back home).

Yes, your whole life will change, from how you get groceries to how you get to work. But not all of these changes are good.

Here’s the truth about moving abroad vs. what people think the truth is about moving abroad.

The Truth About Moving Abroad: Expectations vs Reality

Let’s do some myth-busting about the truth about moving abroad; what’s real, and what’s not?

Expectation ❌

Your life will be more affordable!

Reality ✅

Your life will probably be more expensive, not less, because your salary will be lower and taxes will be higher (depending on where you’re moving to/from; in Europe your salary will be lower than in the US, Canada, or Australia).

Expectation ❌

You job will be less stressful, you’ll have more vacation time, and adjusting to a new job in a foreign country won’t be that bad.

Reality ✅

Adjusting to a new office culture is a huge adjustment; everything about the language and culture will be different, from coffee breaks to after-work events to meetings and scheduling.

You may have more vacation time, but you may not have the money to actually vacation if your salary is lower and rent is higher.

Expectation ❌

You’ll have more things to see and do!

Reality ✅

You may never run out of new things to see and do – depending on where you’re moving to – but it doesn’t mean that you’ll have the time or money to see and do these things.

Practical Tips

Examine your finances in detail and calculate how they will change.
Figure out what kind of life you really want abroad. Do you want to travel a lot? Make sure you’ll have the money to finance the life you’re dreaming of, otherwise you’re just romanticizing a change of scenery.
Does your destination fit your lifestyle NOW? Moving to Australia won’t turn a couch potato into a surfer, and moving to the desolate countryside won’t make an extrovert an introvert.

Difficult Things About Living in a Foreign Country: Overcoming the Challenges

The challenges of moving to a foreign country are real, and shouldn’t be taken lightly. Let’s do some myth-busting about the most difficult things about living in a foreign country.

Difficult Things About Living in a Foreign Country: Expectations vs Reality

There are so many difficult things about living in a foreign country, but they might not be what you think.

Expectation ❌

You’ll get free healthcare, and it will be great!

Reality ✅

Free healthcare doesn’t mean good or easy healthcare. Often universal healtcare is more complicated and harder to use than insurance-based healtcare (with the NHS in the UK, this is particularly true).

Expectation ❌

All you have to do is sign up for new services, find a place to live, and you’re done! Figuring out how a new country works isn’t that hard, or it won’t be that different.

Reality ✅

Everything about how a foreign country works – from property rentals to bank accounts to insurance and paperwork – will be totally different. In European countries, these processes are slow and full of bureaucratic red tape. Like, really, frustratingly slow.

Expectation ❌

You can just make new friends, no problem – you won’t be lonely.

Reality ✅

Making new friends when you move abroad can be really hard, and you may get lonely. You’ll really have to put yourself out there and reach out to people, but when you’re in a foreign country, you might not know how to do that so people are receptive. Cultural changes in social settings are huge.

Expectation ❌

You can just learn the language and customs quickly – culture shock isn’t that big of a deal.

Reality ✅

Culture shock is real, and it’s really difficult. And if there’s a language barrier, it will take you even longer to adjust. I still don’t know what the English are saying half the time, and I speak English natively.

Practical Advice: Assessing the Difficult Things About Living in a Foreign Country

practical tips: facing the difficulties of living in a foreign country. bullet point list with advice for moving abroad

Research, research, research. The more preparation you can do beforehand, the better. If you can anticipate the difficulties – even when it comes to packing up your current life – you’ll be better equipped to deal with them when they arise.
Make connections early. Reach out to expat groups in person or online, meet your neighbors, go out for drinks with your coworkers. You’ll need some social connection to begin to feel normal again.
Study up on cultural norms and customs. Don’t get off on the wrong foot with people by offending them right off the bat!
Don’t underestimate the timeline. Especially if you’re moving to a European country or a less developed nation, processes like Visas, paperwork, and getting a bank account will take way longer than you’re used to.
You might get homesick, and that’s totally normal.

The Truth About Moving Abroad with Kids

Moving abroad with kids is extremely difficult, both practically and emotionally. Don’t underestimate the amount of time and effort it will take to help your kids settle into their new life.

You’re not just changing your entire life, you’re changing theirs. And when kids don’t have a say in those changes, it can feel really jarring and scary for them.

Moving Abroad with Kids: Expectations vs Reality

Let’s do some myth-busting about the expectations vs the reality of moving abroad with kids – it’s harder than you think.

Expectation ❌

Your kids will adjust easily and quickly.

Reality ✅

Their whole world just turned upside down. It will take time and patience for them to adjust.

Expectation ❌

They’ll love their new school right away and make friends ASAP.

Reality ✅

For some kids who love school, this may be true. But everything about school in a foreign country is different than at home, from lunch to lessons to homework; it may take time. It may take a long time. And in the end, they may never like their new school abroad. You just never know.

Expectation ❌

They’ll be happy if we move abroad.

Reality ✅

They may be miserable. Especially if they’re a tween or teen and they’ve left all their friends behind, they may never be happy, or it may take years. That’s a reality you need to look square in the eye.

Practical Advice for Moving Abroad With Kids

Take how long you think it will take your kids to adjust, then double or triple it. Just because they’re small doesn’t mean they don’t have big emotions.
Thoroughly research schools and make sure you’re making the right decision from the start.
Talk about the big emotions they will have, and come up with contingency plans if they are still having a hard time 6 months in.
Give them as much power as you can. Even small decisions – like which bakery to go to – can help them feel more empowered when the ground beneath their feet has shifted.

The Journey Back: Moving Back Home After Living Abroad

You may think moving back home after living abroad is the easy part. I’ve found it to be the exact opposite of that.

Repatriation is tricky; you may feel like you don’t belong in either place for a while. It’ll take you just as long to adjust to being back home as it did for you to acclimate to a new country.

Moving Back Home After Living Abroad: Expectations vs Reality

Let’s do some myth busting about what it’s really like moving back home after living abroad. It’s not as easy an adjustment as you think.

The most common sentiment – and I still feel this way having moved back and forth – is that you don’t really belong in either place. You might feel like a person without a country. And that’s okay.

Expectation ❌

Moving back will be easy. I’ve lived there before; it’ll all be the same.

Reality ✅

It won’t be the same, because YOU will be different. Your house or your car or your job might be the same, but you’ve changed, having had the experience of living abroad. You won’t look at your same old world the same old way.

Expectation ❌

Life will resume as normal, as it always was before I moved abroad.

Reality ✅

Life won’t be the same. You may fall in with the same group of friends, and enjoy spending time with family again, but you may have a hole in your heart. And that hole is in the shape of the place you lived abroad.

Expectation ❌

Leaving my adopted country will be easy. I can always come back.

Reality ✅

You may not be able to come back. Whether because your circumstances change, or you can’t get a Visa, or your job changes – there are a million reasons. Enjoy the time you have there while you have it, because it may never happen again.

Practical Advice for Moving Back Home After Living Abroad

practical tips: moving back home after living abroad. bullet point lists with colorful graphics

I like to compare moving back home after living abroad to grief. It’s a process, and it’s emotional. Give yourself time and patience; everything you’re feeling is valid.
You might feel like you don’t really belong either at home or abroad, and this is normal.
Your life won’t look exactly the same as it did before, and that’s okay.
The people you stayed in touch with while you were abroad are the people who are meant to be in your life. The people who didn’t, aren’t. Don’t expect your relationships to go back to normal.
The people you’re returning to have changed and evolved just as you have.
Don’t be surprised if you catch a little grief for having been away and not being around. Some people may hold it against you, and some will just be happy you’re home.